Thoughts to Ponder

Number 10 - Life is sexually transmitted.

Number 9 - Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

Number 8 - Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich!

Number 7 - Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.

Number 6 - Some people are like a Slinky.....not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.

Number 5 - Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

Number 4 - All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

Number 3 - Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents?

Number 2 - In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

AND THE NUMBER 1 THOUGHT FOR 2005:We know exactly where one cow with mad-cow-disease is located among the millions and millions of cows in America but we haven't got a clue as to where thousands of illegal immigrants and terrorists are located. Maybe we should put the Department of Agriculture in charge of immigration.

Holy Croc!

This crocodile was found in New Orleans swimming down the street. 21 FT long, 4,500 lbs, around 80 years old minimum. Specialists said that he was looking to eat humans because he was too old to catch animals. This crocodile was killed by the army last Sunday at 3:00 pm, currently he is in the freezer at the Azur hotel. The contents of it's stomach will be analyzed this Friday at 2:30pm.

21-Feet long!

He is huge! 

Later Gator! 

Dear Alcohol,

First & foremost, let me tell you that I'm a huge fan of yours. As my
friend, you always seem to be there when needed. The perfect post-work
cocktail, a beer at the game, and you're even around in the holidays,
hidden inside chocolates as you warm us when we're stuck in the midst
of endless family gatherings.

However, lately I've been wondering about your intentions. While I want
to believe that you have my best interests at heart, I feel that your
influence has led to some unwise consequences:

1. Phone calls: While I agree with you that communication is important,
I question the suggestion that any conversation of substance or
necessity takes place after 2 a.m. Why would you make me call those
ex-boyfriends when I know for a fact they do not want to hear from me
during the day, let alone all hours of the night?
2. Eating: Now, you know I love a good meal, but why do you suggest
that I eat a taco with chili sauce, along with a big Italian meatball
and some stale chips (washed down with WINE & topped off with a Kit Kat
after a few cheese curls & chili cheese fries)? I'm an eclectic eater,
but I think you went too far this time.
3. Clumsiness: Unless you're subtly trying to tell me that I need to do
more yoga to improve my balance, I see NO need to hammer the issue home
by causing me to fall down. It's completely unnecessary, and the black
& blue marks that appear on my body mysteriously the next day are
beyond me. Similarly, it should never take me more than 45 seconds to
get the front door key into the lock.
4. Furthermore: The hangovers have GOT to stop. This is getting
ridiculous. I know a little penance for our previous evening's
debauchery may be in order, but the 3pm hangover immobility is
completely unacceptable. My entire day is shot. I ask that, if the
proper precautions are taken (water, vitamin B, bread products,
aspirin) prior to going to sleep/passing out face down on the kitchen
floor with a bag of popcorn, the hangover should be minimal & in no way
interfere with my daily activities.

Alcohol, I have enjoyed our friendship for some years now & would like
to ensure that we remain on good terms. You've been the invoker of
great stories, the provocation for much laughter, and the needed
companion when I just don't know what to do with the extra money in my
pockets. In order to continue this friendship, I ask that you carefully
review my grievances above & address them immediately. I will look for
an answer no later than Thursday 3pm (pre-happy hour) on your possible
solutions & hopefully we can continue this fruitful partnership.

Thank you,
Your biggest fan

P.S. THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Innovative
2. Preliminary
3. Proliferation
4. Cinnamon

THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Specificity
2. British Constitution
3. Passive-aggressive disorder

THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Thanks, but I don't want to have sex.
2. Nope, no more beer for me.
3. Sorry, but you're not really my type.
4. Good evening, officer. Isn't it lovely out tonight?
5. Oh, I couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing.

This is good.....

Bill Maher ----- an open message to George Bush:

"Mr. President, this job can't be fun for you any more. There's no more money to spend--you used up all of that. You can't start another war because you used up the army. And now, darn the luck, the rest of your term has become the Bush family nightmare: helping poor people. Listen to your Mom. The cupboard's bare, the credit cards maxed out. No one's speaking to you. Mission accomplished. "Now it's time to do what you've always done best: lose interest and walk away. Like you did with your military service and the oil company and the baseball team. It's time. Time to move on and try the next fantasy job. How about cowboy or space man? Now I know what you're saying: there's so many other things that you as President could involve yourself in. Please don't. I know, I know. There's a lot left to do. There's a war with Venezuela. Eliminating the sales tax on yachts. Turning the space program over to the church. And Social Security to Fannie Mae. Giving embryos the vote. "But, Sir, none of that is going to happen now. Why? Because you govern like Billy Joel drives. You've performed so poorly I'm surprised that you haven't given yourself a medal. You're a catastrophe that walks like a man. Herbert Hoover was a shitty president, but even he never conceded an entire city to rising water and snakes. "On your watch, we've lost almost all of our allies, the surplus, four airliners, two trade centers, a piece of the Pentagon and the City of New Orleans. Maybe you're just not lucky. I'm not saying you don't love this country. I'm just wondering how much worse it could be if you were on the other side. "So, yes, God does speak to you.
What he is saying is: 'Take a hint.' "

Good Reads

Sit back and enjoy!! A good blog.
http://onefreakygeek.blogspot.com/

To my closest friends and enemys ~

Don't be afraid of dying, be afraid of not having lived your life as you wanted.
Dare to dream, our minds are more powerful than we know.

Nice!!

You're an Expert Kisser

You're a kissing pro, but it's all about quality and not quantity. You've perfected your kissing technique and can knock anyone's socks off. And you're adaptable, giving each partner what they crave. When it comes down to it, your kisses are truly unforgettable

http://www.blogthings.com/

Text Messaging - great in case you don't want to talk.

So last night Dan and I made arrangements to see eachother. He emailed me saying that he would be at my place between 7:00 - 7:30pm. Ok, cool. I kind of blew off a couple things that have been running through my mind that I wanted to talk to him about and just tried to enjoy the night.

Ok, well it is 7:15pm, no Dan.
7:30pm, no Dan, no phone call.
7:45pm, no Dan, still no phone call.

Ok, by 7:55pm I am a bit upset. For the last couple weeks I have felt that I am not important to Dan. He seems to make me feel that "if he has time, he will be there when he get's there." Well I can't handle it anymore. I need to feel important. Especially if he is on my important list, and also if I work on arranging schedules to see him.

7:55pm - I text him on the phone, and just simply say "It's getting late, I will talk to you later."
He text back, "Should I turn around?"
I text back, "Yes, I will call you later."

This upset me. I know weeknights are short, but we usually only see eachother twice a week, and it seems that his other plans don't get disturbed, but ours do.

So I did call him back and express to him how I felt. I told him that I was frustrated with the way things have been. And of course, this blew him sideways. He had no clue.
Amazing how for the last couple days I have been not the same, and he doesn't notice.

We will see, if anything changes. But I need a man to make me feel like he is excited to come and see me, and that he is trying his best to see me as soon as he can. Not this, oh well, when I get there, I get there attitude. So I have kaboshed the making dinner thing for him, since he doesn't get to my place till 8:00pm or so. And I refuse to eat that late at night. I don't think I am out of line here, I think I do have a valid point.

Gosh, dating can be a pain in the ass. Dan and I are only 4 months into it, we should still be having sex like rabbits, not this crap.

Hmm, single life verses dating

Ok, I am wondering about Dan. I am just not crazy about him as I was. Maybe it is the emotional side affect of trying to quit smoking, or maybe I am incredibly picky. But I have no idea here. I will have to write tomorrow, it is time to fly outta of here.

Single life....... it is nice. Especially when it is just Keira and I. God bless that little girl.

Day 11 and trying not to count ~

Ok, well as of 11 days ago, I quit smoking. I am proud of myself. It is a hell of alot harder then I had ever thought. My biggest downfall is when I have a drink. Before I quite I would maybe smoke one pack through the week, but on the weekend I would smoke a pack, sometimes more. This was because of the drinking. I am thankful for all of the non-smokers who are behind me on this. Plus, you guys, make it alot easier to quit. I don't have to deal with it when I am with you guys. Thank God!

I have faith I will make it.
I will do it!

Life is Crazy ~ great email I had gotten from a friend

Life is crazy and we seem to forget the important things that make life what we have always wanted. Too many people put off something that brings them joy just because they haven't thought about it, don't have it on their schedule, didn't know it was coming or are too rigid to depart from their routine.

I got to thinking one day about all those women on the Titanic who passed up dessert at dinner that fateful night in an effort to cut back.

From then on, I've tried to be a little more flexible.

How many women out there will eat at home because their husband didn't suggest going out to dinner until aftersomething had been thawed? Does the word "refrigeration" mean nothing to you?
How often have your kids dropped in to talk and sat in silence while you watched 'Jeopardy' on television?

I cannot count the times I called my sister and said, "How about going to lunch in a half hour?"
She would gas up and stammer, "I can't. I have clothes on the line. My hair is dirty. I wish I had known yesterday, I had a late breakfast, It looks like rain."
And my personal favorite: It's Monday."

She died a few years ago. We never did have lunch together. Because Americans cram so much into theirlives, we tend to schedule our headaches. We live on a sparse diet of promises we make to ourselves when all the conditions are perfect!

We'll go back and visit the grandparents when we get Stevie toilet-trained.
We'll entertain when we replace the living-room carpet.
We'll go on a second honeymoon when we get two more kids out of college.
Life has a way of accelerating as we get older. The days get shorter, and the list of promises to ourselves gets longer.

One morning, we awaken, and all we have to show for our lives is a litany of "I'm going to,"
"I plan on," and "Someday,when things are settled down a bit.
"When anyone calls my 'seize the moment' friend, she is open to adventure and available for trips. She keeps an open mind on new ideas.Her enthusiasm for life is contagious. You talk with her for five minutes, and you're ready to trade your bad feet for a pair of Rollerblades and skip an elevator for a bungee cord.
My lips have not touched ice cream in 10 years. I love ice cream. It's just that I might as well apply it directly to my stomach with a spatula and eliminate the digestive process.
The other day, I stopped the car and bought a triple-decker. If my car had hit an iceberg on the way home, I would have died happy.

Have you ever watched kids playing on a merry go round or listened to the rain lapping on the ground? Ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight or gazed at the sun into the fading night?
Do you run through each day on the fly? When you ask "How are you?" Do you hear the reply?When the day is done, do you lie in your bed with the next hundred chores running through your head?

Ever told your child, "We'll do it tomorrow." And in your haste, not see his sorrow?

Ever lost touch? Let a good friendship die?

Just call to say "Hi"?

Now go on and have a nice day.
Do something you WANT to......not something on your SHOULD DO list.
If you were going to die soon and had only one phone call you couldmake, who would you call and what would you say? And why are you waiting?Make sure you read this to the end; you will understand why I sent this to you.
When you worry and hurry through your day, it is like an unopened gift....
Thrown away... Life is not a race. Take it slower.
Hear the music before the song is over."Life may not be the party we hoped for.. but while we are here we might as well dance!"

Labor Day Weekend!

Had a wonderful weekend! I was able to spend the weekend with Dan and also with one of my closest friends Machelle and her husband Jim. All of Dan's family was there, and also Machelle's family. They all are very nice and fun to be around. We all headed out to their lake property and camped all weekend. Did some fishing and did some drinking and relaxing.

So usually when I smoke some wacky tobacco, I am usually not wanting to be touched, at all!!! Weird, I know. But it has been this way for years, well with Dan, that is not the case. I can barely keep my hands off that man. We went to bed Saturday night, and before I knew it, we were having the most intimate time I have ever had with a man. For instance, when you kiss, there is something about a slow kiss with breathing going on while your lips are still touching. WOW!

A great quote from Bono ~

Bueno, Bono
Here's a quote from Bono about karma and grace:

What you put out comes back to you: an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, or in physics—in physical laws—every action is met by an equal or an opposite one. It's clear to me that karma is at the very heart of the universe. I'm absolutely sure of it. And yet, along comes this idea called grace to upend all that "as you reap, so you will sow" stuff. Grace defies reason and logic. Love interrupts, if you like, the consequences of your actions, which in my case is very good news indeed, because I've done a lot of stupid stuff….It doesn't excuse my mistakes, but I'm holding out for grace. I'm holding out that Jesus took my sins onto the cross, because I know who I am, and I hope I don't have to depend on my own religiosity.

A True Guy's Night! (In my mind)

Ok, I think I am one of the coolest girlfriends around. So last night Dan and I met after work to do some grocery shopping for the Labor Day weekend. So we get back to his house and have some Alaskan Amber and Pizza, watch a little Family Guy, and then hit the sheets. But except tonight was his night, a BJ night. Of course, I usually am generous during the cursed week of the month for me, but what the heck! Nothing like making someone feel extra special.

Goofy girl! 

4th of July!