Day three, I hear from him

So as the last three days dragged on by not hearing from my married guy. I knew it was the right thing to do. But it was killing me. Sunday night, not ready to go to sleep yet after meeting up with Christina and Mara. I headed home and a certain song came on and I drove right by my house and had to take a drive. I decided to get my fill and just drive by his house. So I did, I felt a little better but still lonely without him. So Monday starts and I don't hear from him. Had to hit Fred Meyer after work to get some groceries. And my phone rings, it is Matt. I am taking a huge deep breath. I am thinking, I have to break up with this guy. I answer and he says, "ok, you win, I called first." He asked me where I was, and said that he would be waiting for me outside. I told him that I had to talk to him. I think he had a feeling that either I was upset, or something. So I go outside there he is. He has a awesome truck, he is dark haired and nice body, and very considerate. He grabs the bags of groceries and loads them in my car for me.
I am thinking, God this is killing me! Anyway I jump in his truck and we drive away to talk. We sat there a couple minutes as I am preparing myself to tell him. He just looks at me with those eyes, and grabs my hand, and I say, " I can't see you anymore". I tell him that I have gotten to the point where I can't handle not talking to you, and I can't call you when I want to see you, etc. I think I am in love with this guy who is not 100% there for me". I started to tear up, and I tried the hardest to keep them in. But the tears started to flow. It broke his heart, that I was hurting. He said that he was afraid this would happen. He said "I have to fix something in my marriage, when he is home he is miserable, because he thinks of me". I told him that he has alot he could lose, and he can't let that go. That we have been selfish with his wife's feelings. Believe me, I didn't want to be reasonable, but I had to. We kissed and hugged alot. When he hugs me it is so fitting to me. Close and strong.
So of course he had to go, and I get back into my car and headed home. He calls my cell phone in a matter of minutes. He says" we can't end it like that". I start to go crazy again. He says that he doesn't think he could not see me ever again. I feel the same. But how do I move on, with him ticking on my mind all the time. So we end the conversation, I get home and start reading and go to bed. On the way to work, I call him. Yes, I said I called him. I need to talk to him one more time. I asked if he could come over tonight. He said that he would work on it. We are friends too, but this relationship can't continue as friends. I realize that. But I want to talk to him more then just 30 minutes, when I am not going to see him again. I don't think I am being selfish there. But I will be strong. And hopefully stronger when he leaves.